One critical question in this book is 'Why it has to be me to make the effort?'. I agree. In my opinion, both sides have to be on the same wavelength to want to be reasonable. If only one side is doing the hardwork, it wouldn't have good result. Maybe it would look good at the start, but as the time goes on, the one side that keeps trying, and 'tolerating', would just have enough.
On another issue, it doesn't look 'energy efficient' to be so 'perfect' dealing with family members. People have emotions and moods. And when you're facing family members, most of the time, you just want to be moody, not worrying about consequences as you would at work space. You expect your close families to tolerate it, and your families expect you to tolerate it. To be so 'perfect', like in the textbook, in communicating takes a lot of brain power and mental disciplinary power. I'd rather turn a deaf ear on my 'irrational and moody' families, or put up with a quarrel. We'll forget about it later anyway.